Sunday, 30 August 2015

Endometriosis: Post op

Ok, so thought I should update you all after my operation on Tuesday. I'm obviously alive. Which is a great thing.

I have a lot of mixed emotions after the laparoscopy though and I promise to fill you all in soon. I'm sure many of you have felt the same way I'm feeling now so I will post in the near future about all the details.

Sharing information is the best way to know we're not alone in this. But for the moment, I'm just getting my head around things and concentrating on recovery.

Speak to you very soon,
#MyEndoDiary ♡

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Endometriosis: Operation Day

It's the night before the big day. Six hours to go and I'll be checking into the hospital ready for my third operation.

For the last 24 hours I have been quite calm on the outside. Inside I've been having butterflies and my heart has been beating ten to the dozen! Now that it's bed time I'm wide awake with very little chance of sleep. My overnight bag is packed just incase I have stay. I have everything ready and in place for me to come home.

I'm hoping I'll be one of the first on the list to go down to theatre. Hanging about and waiting will not do me any good! I'll end up even more stressed and my mind will be up doing overtime. I will be worrying and observing every little detail going on around me.

I'm dreading everything about it. I can't even begin to think about the recovery yet. But I know it's something we have to go through in order to get some relief from the devil that is endometriosis. And to be honest with you, there's not a lot I wouldn't do to try and get some relief. Bring on a sense of normality again!

Keep your fingers & toes crossed for me! ♡

#MyEndoDiary

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Endometriosis: When did it all start?

Christmas 2009 is when my life changed. I had always suffered extremely heavy and painful periods. But to me that was normal. I didn't realise then that was a symptom. I was able to manage it. Whether it was wearing two pads, scouring chemists or supermarkets for period pain relief, heat pads, painkillers, holisitc bracelets, taking days off school or spending days in bed. That was my normal.

But Christmas 2009 is when more symptoms started coming. Nothing I could put my finger on exactly at the time. I just I knew I didn't feel right. Especially my emotional health. I was so down. With hindsight it must of been changes of my hormone levels as hormones play such a big part in Endometriosis.

Looking back, I now know that was the start of the flare. February 2010, I started having stabbing pains in my stomach. I remember the 1st ever time it happened. I was doing normal things. I was actually walking across my landing to get to my bedroom. The pains shot across through my stomach so badly I ended up crippled over holding onto the staircase. It frightened the life out of me.

The next time it was Valentines day. I went to a concert with my friends to London. In the car on the way home I started to get those same shooting and stabbing pains. Trying to ignore and conceal them then was so hard. That's the point I knew something definitely wasn't right.

Fast forward to June of that year. This was the first time to experience the 'Endo belly'. The swollen stomach. I had gone away to London for the weekend with my family to celebrate my birthday. I had a lovely blue day dress that fitted me well. I have pictures of me in it with my stomach flat. Once home, pains had flared yet again. My mother took me to the doctors on a Wednesday morning. My stomach was 'normal'. By the Wednesday afternoon it had instantly swollen. With that same dress on, I looked 5 months pregnant. I remember asking my mother if my stomach looked swollen and both our reactions when we realised how big it went. That is a memory that sticks.

When was the first time you realised something wasn't right? That it wasn't normal to be in this pain? Can you remember your first big pain/flare up?

I would love for you to share. Thanks in advance.

#MyEndoDiary

Endometriosis: 3rd Time Lucky?

August 25th. This will be the date of my next operation. My third.

I have waited 12 months to get this date. Then, out of the blue, I receive a letter from the hospital. With only 12 days notice. In a way, that's good. Less time to stress. But for me, I'll stress no matter what. I'll just cram a year of waiting into 12 days of worry. I'm now down to 7 days. This time next week...

Some people may think that knowing what will happen and how the day pans out etc, will be a benefit. A comfort perhaps. For me, it's the complete opposite. I know how emotional I will get. I know the feelings of panic, anxiousness and nervousness will build up. I know at certain points they'll peak and I'll break down. Just before I'm due to go down to theatre I'm guaranteed to start crying. The fear takes over and there's nothing I can do at that point but just trust the doctors and nurses. But that's normal I guess.
Third time around, it will not be any different. As silly as it may sound, I'm even more scared now than my 1st laparoscopy in 2011. I'm still frightened of the general anaesthetic. Will they give me too much and I won't wake up? What if they don't give me enough and I feel everything? As if either of those scenarios would ever happen! But my mind won't listen to fact and reason during this time.

What if they don't find anything this time? No endo? No adhesions? What then? Would I be going mad? Or maybe they find out it's got worse and spread. Neither are situations you'd want to be in. I feel like I can't win.

Then... the recovery. The part I'm dreading the most. Those without knowledge of endometriosis and surgery may think you have an operation and then you're instantly better. You couldn't blame them for thinking that. However, my recoveries are never easy. From experience I know my pain will get worse before it gets better. It will be a complete roller coaster. Some days thinking I'm better to the next day being brought back down to earth with healing pains.

I'll never get used to it. I'll never be able to prepare myself fully.

I just hope that it will be third time lucky. That it will give me a longer period of relief. Of being able to live normally for a good few years! Not to have it snatched away by endo again and end up back at square one just a year down the line.

I want my full life back. I want a career. I want to be 100% me, 100% of the time.
So, third time lucky! Keep your fingers and toes crossed, please.
#MyEndoDiary