Friday, 14 October 2011

Endometriosis: Why me? Why not?

Why does endometriosis have to be so frustrating?? So annoying? At times making you feel helpless, alone and fragile. Endometriosis - the name itself is complicated enough to say to those not in the 'know'. Why does the condition itself have to be a million times more complicated. This last week has been so up and down for me. Some days I have been feeling great, doing lots. The next day I'm in so much pain I can't do anything. My bleeding has been changing from very light to practically nothing to heavy with extreme pain and cramps. It gets so bad the memories of good days are hard to recall and bring to the front of my mind.

Breaking point came today whilst in the supermarket. It was packed, my cramps had started from the moment I got out of bed. Walking around the supermarket I was surprised people wernt giving me funny looks as I stood in one place holding onto the trolley to try keep me upright. It was hard to walk. Got to the queue to pay when they came worse. I could feel my face going bright red from the pain.. I had tears strolling down my face because the pains and cramps were so strong and sharp it instantly brought tears, whilst trying to act normal at the same time. I don't think it worked. I could see a few people looking over as I was trying to stop myself from crying anymore. I was so humiliated. How embarrassing. I am so grateful my mother was with me so I didn't feel completely mad. As I have been writing this I have had to stop a few times, shut my eyes with my head in my hands waiting for the next waves of cramps to pass.

I could sit here asking 'why me?' but why not?? What makes me so different from others not to suffer from this. No one deserves it. There should be a cure for Endo and I find it ridiculous that at this time the only way to diagnose it still is by surgery and there is still no cure. More and more I find myself getting totally frustrated when my endosisters and I are going through unneccesary pain every day! Added onto the stresses and strains of daily life that everyone has, we also have deal with endo. A word that can be shortened but unfortunately the same thing cant be done with the pains or reality of it.